Wednesday, March 21, 2012

My Ling Long, or are you just happy to see me?


For the longest time, I believed that Crohn's disease was an infliction found only in the colon and small intestine.  Then, I started a regimen of Entocort and learned a painful lesson:  Crohn's can manifest itself anywhere in the digestive system, from the entrance to the exit, both external and internal.  Yes, you can even get Crohn's in your mouth.  Rare, but it can happen.

Last Fall, I began a regimen of Entocort.  This seemed the natural step, as I respond very well to prednisone and Entocort is mainly a steroid released directed into the colon.

However, shortly after taking Entocort, I began experiencing external pain, swelling and bleeding in my lower nether-regions.  One of the side effects, apparently, of Entocort is hemorrhoids.  I stopped the Entocort for a couple of months and my external symptoms went away.  My doctor, unsure if the inflammation was the result of the flare-up or the Entocort suggested that I go back on the Entocort now that the prednisone reduced the swelling.  So I did.  And the problem came back and got worse.  Much worse.

It wasn't hemorrhoids that I was experiencing.  It was severe external Crohn's, complete with inflammation and "Crohn's tags."  Crohn's tags are basically skin tags caused by Crohn's that appear in and around the rectal region.  Nice, eh.  The pain was extreme.  There was bleeding and infection.  During a surgical procedure to determine the problem, my surgeon ended up removing one of the skin tags, but the problem did not go away.  More skin tags appeared.

Back on the prednisone I went.  Several warm baths a day.  Antibiotics, also.

And then I started seeing my Traditional Chinese Medicine doctor.  He, of course, began prescribing herbs for the inflammation.  Honeysuckle, an herb shown to reduce inflammation, was one of them.   As I write these words, I am sipping Honeysuckle Flower Tea.  Quite frankly, it tastes like lawn.  I might as well be out in the front yard licking the grass.  But, over the last few weeks, the inflammation is about gone.  My bowel movements are down to an average of one a day.  And I feel better.  Thank you, Honeysuckle.  You may taste like shit, but if you work then I will continue to gulp you down.

One of the things that Dr. X gave me was a Chinese ointment.  Although it is for hemmoroids, Dr. X said it would help reduce the inflammation from the Crohn's.  Use it, he said.


When I opened up the bag and saw the box, I laughed.  Ma Ying Long.  You've got to be kidding, I said to myself.  This sounds like a joke out of a John Hughes' film.  Ma Ying Long.  I showed my wife and she laughed outloud, too.  How can I take this seriously?

Most of the instructions are in Chinese, but the ingredients are written in English on the box:  Synthetic Musk, Pearl, Bezoar, Calamine, Amber.  Inactive ingredients:  Vaseline, Lamoline.

Fair enough.  I wasn't quite sure what some of those ingredients were.  Pearl?  The thing found in oysters that people turn into jewelry?  This is going to relieve my Crohn's? And what the hell is "bezoar?"

The first thing I noticed was the smell.  Yes, there was musk in this stuff.  Lots of it.  In fact, it was almost overbearing, the smell of musk.  However, I used it anyway.  After all, I wasn't spending time out in the woods so I didn't have to worry about attracting some animal looking for a mate.

The smell was so much, I ended up only using it at night.  I didn't want to draw attention to myself at work, especially since I spend my day around teenagers  They have amazing olfactory senses. And the last thing I wanted was to be called out by hormone-induced students.  "What is that smell?"  I could hear them ask, wrinkling their little judgmental faces.

The ointment is interesting.  It produces a cooling sensation which goes to the core of Chinese medicinal philosophy:  Crohn's is caused by "heat" in the colon.  But, it seemed to work, I think.  Even with the few times that I ended up using it, it didn't make things worse, that's for sure.  Dr. X thinks I should continue to use it a couple of times a week as a preventative measure. 

So, I decided to do some research on the stuff.  It is made by a company in China that has been around since 1582.  But I wasn't sure about some of the ingredients.  What the hell is bezoar?

Some things are better left not knowing, I imagine.  And many people live their lives like this:  "Don't tell me if it is something I don't want to know."  I am not one of these people.  And in the age of the internet, most things can be uncovered with a click of a few buttons.  And here it is:


Bezoar is basically a hairball.  It is a mass of swallowed fiber found in the stomachs or intestinal tracts of certain animals.  It has been used for centuries in traditional medicine and in ancient times as an antidote to poison.   In fact, Harry Potter learns about bezoars in his first year in Potions class and uses one to save Ron Weasley in Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince.    In Traditional Chinese Medicine, the bezoars come mainly from ox and cattle.  It can also be made synthetically.  How this is done, I have no idea.

And bezoar is in my My Ling Long.  This may gross some people out, but Crohn's patients are rarely grossed out.  The things we go through have numbed the "gross-out" portion of our brains and few things, if anything, can turn our stomachs anymore.  If I ever find something that actually grosses me out, I'll be sure to let you know.

Upon further research, I have discovered that this My Ling Long ointment has quite a following.  Almost, cult-like, I must say.  Just go over to Amazon.com and read the comments:

"This product is INCREDIBLE! Finally Something that works!"

"Like a popsicle up my bum."

"Those Chinese really know their hemorrhoids, I'd like to thank them from the bottom of my bottom."

"I Can Live Again!"

"Do your butthole a favor and get this!!"

One commenter addressed the issue of smell and put it into perspective:

"Okay, I find all the reviews of this product that comment on smell to be amusing. You are applying it to your anus. It is not the best smelling part of any body. Pretty much, almost anything you put on it, smells better than its natural state. This stuff smells like mentholated patchouli incense... much better than a hemmoroidal poop chute."

Thanks J. Stern, "Professional Slacker" from Pittsburgh for your candor.

So this manifestation of Crohn's was a surprise. Just when you think you know everything about your infliction, someone comes to you with a new diagnosis.  Believe me, I was shocked when I awoke from my procedure and was told, "You have anal Crohn's."  And, with all of the problems that I have had with Crohn's over the years, this was by far the worst.

I just hope honeysuckle and My Ling Long does the the trick.  If not, I will have to look for something else.

Perhaps a potion?

 

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for this post! As a 'Crohnie', I feel you pain Hun but the humor was also much needed! Best of luck to you and your 'Ma Ying Long' and it's 'hairy' ingredients!! :)

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